For all you summer haters out there. And by “all” I mean Ryan. Good riddance winter!

For all you summer haters out there.

And by “all” I mean Ryan.

Good riddance winter!

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Due to pretty much every ridiculous scenario you could possibly come up with, my team at work which was 13-people strong a year ago is currently operating with 5 people during our first mini busy-season, So previously typical 9 PM nights have turned into 4 AM nights mornings, something I haven’t had to do in the past two years – but it’s pretty much like riding a bike, you never forget. For me, copious amounts of caffeine and blasting Broadway songs are the way to go.

But the biggest problem with these late hours? My needy-as-hell tamagotchi (for those of you that are blissfully unaware, it’s now an iPhone app). I’m sorry you are hungry for a meal, I had girl scout cookies for dinner. Oh, you aren’t happy? Screw you – I just watched you sleep for 10 hours. Jerk.

My co-workers were bemoaning the fact that they haven’t seen their kids awake in 4 days. I opened my mouth to explain my big issue, but decided maybe they wouldn’t really understand.

My friend texted to me ask if I wanted to do a 5K with her. She said she facebooked me about it earlier but figured I was too busy these days to go on Facebook. Damn right I’m too busy, Little Kuchitamatchi can’t even have poop next to him without getting sick.

Accounting 101

Just the same as in prior years, as tax day loomed closer throughout the last week, well meaning friends and family sent antidotes or well wishes relating to how I can finally come up for air because my busy season is over. That’s great and all except, I AM NOT A TAX ACCOUNTANT. I do my own taxes once a year with the help of H&R Block. And only because it’s not too difficult. The first year I did Ryan’s taxes he was self-employed. I told him never again. If he wants to become self-employed again, he’s finding us a tax accountant.

But I’m going of topic (as per usual), because this situation led me to what I considered the greatest post idea ever! I would teach everyone what it is I do in an exhilarating and hilarious way because really, us accountants, we are crazy funny. It was such a good idea that I got to work right away writing and re-writing my humorous bullet point ideas. Put a zinger about a consolidated balance sheet here. Add an anecdote of mistaking a debit for a credit there. It couldn’t lose. Except that you all can clearly already see what took me an hour to realize. It sucked. The entire thing sucked. I don’t think I’ve every written anything so bad in my life. And I’ve written a lot of crap (don’t all nod at once now!).

I wasn’t ready to give up. I tried to google ideas of funny ways to teach accounting. Can you believe I couldn’t find any? I was shocked. And so finally I realized it was time to throw in the towel and bemoan the world’s loss at reading the greatest piece of writing of our times. It could have been epic!

And with that, I will finish off this completely pointless post with a pick up line I found while searching for that holy grail of funny accounting lessons: Wanna sneak out behind the “hedge” and play with my “financial instrument?”